RAW - Chapter 2: Snacks and Explosions

“Have a good day!” I said.

“Don’t you mean half day?” asked Lester, looking down and adjusting his horrible flannel shirt.

“I’m going to be honest here, Lester. No matter how much you keep fiddling with that thing, it still looks like a rotten topping resting on leftover pizza that has been left out on the sun for two weeks.”

Lester’s shoulders slumped more than usual, which is saying something. “I know.”

“Come on man,” I said with a smile as I wrapped my arm around his neck. “Don’t let your nonexistent sense of style deprive you of the wonders and exciting activities you can do whatever sun we have left. You could watch a film, or count tiles, or watch grass grow!”

“Or I could shove red hot nails in my eyes.”

I tapped my chin. “But where are we going to get so much disinfectant and canned tuna to pull that off without liquefying our brains in the process?”

“I don’t know,” Lester said, surprisingly lowering his head even more than what I considered was the standard human limit. “Maybe I could just always jump in front of a moving bus and call it a day.”

Red alert -- literally. I put my hands on his shoulders. “I will drive you home, and I will take no for an answer.”

He raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“Never mind that.” I had to practically shove the guy to my car. I opened the door with my leg and threw him inside. He landed on his back. Sure it looked funny and nothing like a kidnapping to those curious people staring from the sidewalk. “I’m only making sure he doesn’t do anything stupid,” I shouted as I sat on the driver’s seat and lowered the window. “He said he wanted to marathon ‘Mad About You’.”

All of the onlookers nodded in unison and understanding and carried on.

Before Lester had a chance to sit properly, I was already sinking my foot on the accelerator. I was ready to feel the motor screaming, the smell the burning rubber. It was then that I remembered my car was a Volkswagen and barely accelerated to beging with.

“Could you at least turn on the AC?” Lester said as he wrestled with his seat in a fruitless effort to make himself comfortable.

“Sorry mate, no AC. No radio. Heck, the backseat is made of cardboard and wet newspapers that I put on a blender. Pray heavens this car actually has a motor… either that or the power of the imagination is bigger than I had anticipated.

“You haven’t checked?”

I laughed. “Don’t be silly, I’m terrified of machinery I don’t know. One of those mysterious phobias that people can’t understand, like Hollywood actor’s phobias to criticism… or real life.”

After ten minutes, I felt a rumble in my stomach. I wasn’t sure if it was caused by all the potholes on the road that were slowly killing my fading suspension, or if my poor dietary habits were beginning to get to me, but after I saw a dim light in the distance, something became obvious.

“Hey man, I’m hungry,” I said. “Let’s stop on that ‘Plain’ corner store.”

“It looks that dull?”

“No, it’s really just called ‘Plain’.”

We parked and got out, Lester falling on his face first. Classic Lester.

“I wonder if I can buy a life? Or hopes and dreams?” He asked.

“Don’t think so mate, they discontinued that soda flavor in the eighties after it made people too happy and gave some kids glow-in-the-dark barf.” I walked over the snack stand and pulled a bag of chips. “Oh hey, this time they have one percent real cheese and ninety nine percent high fructose corn syrup. Nice.”

We walked over the counter with some junk food and paid the lady who smelled of wet pancakes and cigarette butts. We exited the place, making sure not to step over the rat that was waiting for its turn to come in, and walked back to the car, my hand already full of fake cheese and crumbs. “You know, you can now at least taste a thing besides stale gluten and sugar in these.”

As we were about to get inside, I saw a red shine, a sparkle if you wish, reflect on my windshield, as if a something had went kaput high above. “Now what was that?” I think Lester saw it too, since he looked up to the sky at the same time I did. “Is it me or did Mars just explode?”

“Good riddance, that was planet was nearly as devoid of life as me,” Lester said with that typical magical depressive charm of his.

“Don’t say that mate, I’m sure—“ Then I saw another sparkle, except larger.

I rubbed my chin and raised an eyebrow, “Well I’ll be…”

“I didn’t know we had two Mars,” Lester said

“We don’t.” I saw another red flash. It was getting bigger, and closer.

Red alert -- literally. “Get down,” I shouted, shoving Lester. 

The store window exploded in a million tiny pieces. Something, someone, or a very realistic special effect crashed into the store and send millions of now-free stuff into the air, scattering nachos and all kinds of artery-clogging snack cakes all over the place.