I rubbed the
sleep from my eyes, groaning as I walked to the gates of the local Cheapo-Mart,
the oh so great wretched hive of scum and mass production mega mart where I
worked. “Ok brain,” I said to myself. “I know you hate me, and sometimes I hate
you too, but its six in the morning, so I need you to wake up so I can earn
that guap. I want running water this month.” In a clear sign of pure mental
anarchy, I felt my face contort and my left eye twitch, giving me that patented
sensation of burning needles piercing my skin.
I slapped my face, trying to
gain enough cognizance to open the door of the place. Six bazillion mosquitos,
flies, and discarded candy wrappers welcome me along with that familiar smell
of cheap chlorine and sweat. “Ah right, the Classic Cheapo smell. You know
you’re shipping Cheap when the smell somehow gives you acid reflux.”
I walked down the many aisles to
a corner of the mega mart, past the drunken hobo that fell asleep on a bed made
out of cockroaches and toy cars. It was the meat section, and it was hard to
miss, with its huge sign above the barely functional displays that said ‘Actual
meat not guaranteed’.
I was in charge of the ‘sausage
assembly’. It was as interesting as it sounds.
The door to the section had been
stuck since forever –stuck in the sense that it was actually painted on and was
never a real door to begin with- so I simply jumped over the displays, careful
not to step and slip on the great puke stain of sixty three that simply refused
to go away. It is said that whatever shoes stepped on it would forever be
haunted by its smell.
I went behind the freezers to
look for my partner in crime –since making people pay six cents per Cheapo
sausage was an actual crime in several states… and Nantucket- and found him
right where I expected him to be, sleeping on top of the ‘Can’t believe it
isn’t real meat’ boxes. I slapped him on the back of the head. “Hello, Lester.”
“Glycolysis,” he shouted as his
neurons were shaken awake. “I mean… hello Paul.”
“So, my tall yet chubby friend,”
I said as grabbed one of those fluffy freezer jackets from the floor and shook
all the rats off.” You ready to partake on yet another grand adventure of the
mundane and insanely maddening exercise that is poorly paid manual labor?”
“No.” He adjusted his glasses as
he stood up. “But I don’t think it matters. Nothing really matters if you
really think about it.”
I laughed. “Oh Lester, your
pessimism really cheers me up. No matter how miserable I think I am, the fact
that I know you’re here to share my misery always makes me feel all warm and
fussy inside. Well, it’s either you or the nuclear fusion batteries that keep
this antiques we call ’freezers’ running to barely legal levels.”
“Oh how I wished I had your
natural excitement,” Lester said with slumped shoulders.
“Funny you say that, because I
have none right now.” I opened the first freezer. “Smell that? Smells of… tedium.”
“Didn’t know tedium smelled like
warm beef blood and ammonia.” Lester picked up some old, wet boxes from the
floor.
And so began yet another day,
just like all the others. Uninteresting, boring, dull, repetitive, and in the
end, mundane. Not even the haunted carts that moved on their own from aisle
twenty two that went by in front of our section made it fun anymore.